


Wrong

by suffocatingrelief



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 13x01 coda, Angst, Coda, Funeral, Grieving Dean, Hurt No Comfort, Love Confessions, One Shot, Praying to Castiel, Unhappy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-29
Updated: 2017-10-29
Packaged: 2019-01-26 05:13:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12549848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suffocatingrelief/pseuds/suffocatingrelief
Summary: How Cas' funeral should've gone.





	Wrong

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by @/mishadiary's video on instagram  
> Kudos and comments are always appreciated!

    Seeing him lying on that table feels wrong. It should be me, Dean thinks. Cas, he was better. He was meant for more. Now what can he do? A warrior, a best friend, a protector under a dirty sheet. It was all wrong. Each step taken towards the table caused the old floorboards to weep. At least it seems like weeping. Dean still hasn't cried. He won't. Staying strong is all he has. It's all he is. He pulls back the sheet and time stands still. Dean draws in a sharp breath as he stares at the cold, lifeless face looking back at him. Cas' sharp cheekbones look wrong. The skin is too grey and sunken in. His brows are too relaxed. There's no squint. It's wrong. Dean tosses the sheet back over Cas. It just all looked too wrong. Dean's eyes sweep up and down the length of his friend's body.

 

     Sure, it's a hunter's funeral but Cas deserves more than a dirty sheet and some old rope because he was more than just a hunter. Swallowing the lump in his throat, Dean turned to the bay window and cut down the silk curtain hanging there. A blinding ray of light shone through the uncovered window and cast a glow over Cas' body. Dean couldn't help but let out a breathy laugh. Heaven shining down on the fallen angel. Ironic. As fast as he could, Dean replaced the old sheet with the soft, cream colored curtain, avoiding looking the angel in the face. Better, Dean thought, but not good enough. Not for Cas. Dean crossed the room and tore down a curtain from another window, a soft yellow color, and tore it into strips to tie around Cas' body.

 

     It shouldn't be this hard, Dean thought. He's burned hundreds of bodies by now: friends, family, the bones of angry spirits. But this was different. Cas wasn't any of those things. He was the one thing Dean thought he could never have and would never admit he was. Saying it out loud almost guaranteed it would be taken away. It's Murphy's law. Cas was anything and everything. And setting that on fire? Watching the person who changed your entire life burn? That wasn't just another funeral. This was Dean saying goodbye to a part of himself.

 

     "Dean." Sam's voice softly carried through the room. Dean snapped his head up and saw his baby brother standing in the doorway with the most nauseating look of pity the older Winchester had ever seen.

 

     "Just go, Sam." Dean looked at the floor and shook his head at the creaky floorboards. 

 

     "Listen, Dean, I know-"

 

     "You know what? You know what Cas meant to me? How close we were?" Dean walked around the table and shook his finger at his brother. "No. No you don't. You don't know shit, Sammy." Dean's chest was heaving with every breath he took and his hand was shaking, still pointing at his brother.

 

     "Dean, we have to find Jack and-"

 

     "You think I give a damn about Rosemary's baby right now? Get out! Get out!" Dean screamed at his brother before picking up a wooden chair and throwing it at the wall. Sam walked out of the kitchen and disappeared around the corner. Turning back to Cas, Dean tried to calm his breathing before pulling a chair up and sitting down, resting his elbows on Cas' chest and bowing his head.

 

     "Cas?" Dean took a shaky breath. "Cas, you there?" One tear ran down his cheek. "I just..." Dean shut his eyes and felt another hot tear roll down his face. "I wanted you to know...I'm sorry. For all of it. Everything." Dean dropped his hands and rested his forehead on Cas' chest, right over his heart. "It's not I've exactly been there for you lately." Sobs racked Dean's body as he prayed. "I screwed it up. God, I'm so damn stupid." Dean more or less crawled onto the table and draped his body over Cas'. "What am I supposed to do? I can't do it without you. Come on." Dean shook Cas' lifeless body. "I hate you. I hate you." Dean's voice started to crack. "No." He took a deep breath. "I love you." Dean laid silently for a few moments, tears freely flowing. He had said it. There was no point keeping it inside. It's not like he has anything to lose at this point. "I can't help it. I need you. I need you here." Dean brought his hand up to stroke Cas' cheek through the curtain. "And I understand. I forgive you." His whole body shook as he sobbed on the angel's chest. "Oh, God...We're family. I need you."

 

     Dean allowed himself a few more minutes of quiet grieving before getting down off the table. Putting both arms under the angel's limp body, Dean carried him bridal style out of the house and across the yard to the funeral pyre. He gently laid Cas down next to Kelly and let out a rattling breath. Sam came up from behind him and began pouring gasoline onto the structure before handing a lighter to Dean. Without sparing his brother a glance, Dean lit the lighter and threw it into the sticks. It went up in flames and Dean watched the embers float toward the sky.

 

     "Well...goodbye, Cas."


End file.
